As my baby girl, Maximara Monroe, is approaching her first birthday I have spent the past few days reflecting on our first year together. Coincidentally, in those few days, I also read an article titled The 100 Days of Darkness that was floating around Facebook. I couldn’t help shake this article after reading it. So many thoughts were running through my head. The first being I need to write a rebuttal to this article but how will I do it without coming across as that mom. The mom that brags how perfect life with her baby is. How easy it is with a baby. How she wouldn’t change anything about those first 100 days because she truly enjoyed them. I went back and forth in my head, to write this or not write it. And here we are today, so clearly I decided to go for it. Not because I want to publicize that I am actually that mom, but because I want more new moms out there to feel the way I did in those first 100 days.
While having a new baby is hard, to me it isn’t any harder than say starting a new job, or training for a race. When doing something new you should always prepare for your upcoming endeavor. Right? You wouldn’t just go out and run 26.2 miles without training for it. Or start a new job without studying up on the company and the position you were hired for. For my husband and I we knew we had to prepare for the arrival of our daughter. For us that meant reading a lot of books and communicating about what our parenting style would be. It was decided before the baby was born how things would work – who would get up in the middle of the night, how we would maintain our household (cooking, cleaning, etc.), who was in charge of groceries, making bottles, and the list goes on and on. When Maximara was born there were no surprises between him and I. There was no resentment. We were happy together and we were happy as a new family. The calm environment of our home made for a calm environment for our baby. They feel that shit you guys. They can feel your stress, they can feel if you are uneasy.
And now the fun begins. When we brought Maximara home, pretty much every and anyone told us how hard it was going to be. I kept hearing horror story after horror story. This would scare 99% of people, right? I mean why wouldn’t it. To me it was just the right amount of motivation I needed to prove everyone wrong. And while I used the negative comments as motivation, I also thought to myself why can’t anyone tell me anything good about their experience? Why must we speak of the bad? And let’s chat about the bad they were referring to – it was the lack of sleep I would get, the endless cries, the frustration of blowouts, the inability to shower. But is this really bad afterall? It’s a baby for fucks sake, what do we think it is going to do? In my mind, I signed up for this stuff. To me these were facts and I was ready for them. I read my books and knew what was coming to me. Mentally my husband and I were prepared to tackle what was the most important job of our lives. That in itself successfully got us through the first 100 days.
“The secret to being HAPPY is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of every single day.”
In that same breath, why don’t us women stick together and share positive stories or bits of wisdom rather than sharing what everyone refers to as bad experiences to new mothers? If you are 9 months pregnant and an experienced mother tells you how hard it is going to be, you are entering motherhood already feeling like it is going to be a challenge rather than a pleasant experience. This can fuck up anyone’s mentality. I will tell you today that my first 100 days were tear free. I showered. I put on makeup. I dropped all of my pre-baby weight. My husband and I took our baby out to restaurants. We had fun. We took turns on night shifts so we could get a solid nights sleep. We were happy. Were there times I got frustrated? Were there times I felt challenged? Absolutely. I am human. I am not a fucking super hero. But when life hands you lemons you make yourself a damn lemonade and vodka. You make the best of the situation, or at least try your to. The first 100 days of motherhood were, in all honesty, my favorite 100 days of life and they can be yours too.
And always remember we are a squad, we stick together and lift each other up. Let’s encourage positivity, not negativity.
If you want to further chat about how I successfully made it through my first 100 days, leave a comment or send me a message. I’d love to chat!
EDIT: This post is in no way shape or form referring to the hormonal changes women go through postpartum. Hormones are the real fucking deal. And people should never feel alone during that time if they need help or encouragement. But what I’m referring to is the “fear” other moms instill in new moms about how hard it is going to be with the sleepless nights, endless cries, etc. That stuff can be controlled I feel and can be encouraged in a positive way rather than a negative.